When Character Defects Collide
Happy Birthday to Me
I’m not sure what to name the Character Defects which have collided, but one of mine is definitely “People Pleasing”, but aided by my Southern upbringing, that gets tangled up with a slogan which should have been applied… which is: “Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say, and Don’t Be Mean When You Say It”.
Added to the mix is that the other person, who’s Character Defects collided with mine, is someone I love very much and wouldn’t want to hurt for anything in the world. If ours is a ‘disease of perception’, then we both need our glasses changed because we definitely lost sight of the truth. It can’t set us free if we don’t see it…
The irony is that both of us have been in program and have learned so many lessons and we’ve seen our lives change for the better by applying spiritual principles…but those Character Defects are definitely “on the back porch lifting weights just waiting for an opportunity to come back in”1.
Once recently, when we were talking about pride and other character defects, my friend had even laughingly said she needed to be hit over the head with a “no” because she just “never gets it” and it’s affected her relationships all her life. That character defect of “controlling” sometimes rises out of fear and sometimes out of pride, maybe…? We were being thankful for what we’ve been learning and how we’ve been changing. I had really thought I was past “people pleasing” and had learned to be honest and direct by saying what I mean, etc…. (++++)
When someone loves you and wants to celebrate your birthday, that’s just simply amazing and humbling. But if you don’t want to celebrate your birthday AT ALL for reasons you know are not understood by most people, it becomes difficult to make your “No” heard.
When you love someone so much that you want to give them a birthday that you’re sure is just the best thing you could do for them, it becomes difficult to hear “No” – especially when it is met with a “people pleasing” character defect, an ego being inflated by the effusive plans, and aided and abetted by the recipient forgetting to respond by “Saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and not being mean when you say it”.
But obviously… that door to the back porch had been left ajar. My Character Defects have rushed back in and now I have made amends the best I could, I think. Hopefully we’ll be able to move on from this, having learned and grown not only in our perspective, and our actions, but in our love for one another. Growing up continues as I get older – HOW? By being Honest, Openminded, Willing. No matter how old, I’m still His kid under construction. LOL. \0/